cloud castles

my mind plays tricks on me.

whenever i sleep, i dream of things. events which supposed to have happened in my life, but i simply don't have any recollection as to when or if, such occasions really happened.

so i'm left with memories that i believe are mine, but really don't have a use for them.

i would, if i was made up of my memories. but i am not. i believe a man is not the sum of his memories, but a man is made up of what he is, and what he chooses to be.

i have memories of certain events i never recall participating in. i remember things, situations, instances, but they're too vague, i can't make anything out of them at all.

i have an idea of what is happening in a particular memory, but i don't see faces. i don't see colors. i just hear names. names, which change, everytime.

the names change. the personalities in my memories change. the outcome of a particular memory shifts from one result to another. it's the same memory, only, the actors are different. it's the same memory, but now it's telling me that it was somebody else in that memory.

i remember somebody tell me something unforgettable. a few memories afterwards, it's just me in that memory. it's just me telling myself that unforgettable statement.

i remember i'm drinking coffee, a while ago. i go back to clean it up, i see no coffee cup. i wasn't drinking coffee. strange.

i know i wrote somethin' down on a piece of paper, and i remember putting it in one place. i see no paper. i don't see a note.

odd.

i guess i can't trust my memories anymore.

it's pretty difficult, trying to continue things that never really happened. it's hard, trying to rely on a memory that eludes you, when it's all you have.

it's hard, saying "i can't remember..", all the time, whenever somebody tries to open up a conversation that sends me digging up memories.

i remember walking out of a castle, but looking back, i don't see a castle. i only see clouds.