eye in the sky

i catch myself gazing at the sky increasingly often, lately.

the daytime clouds seem to astonish me with it's serenity nowadays. and the night sky is ever clearer.

gives me some kinda peace of mind. i find myself getting lost in the clouds all the time.

i remember gazing at the moonlit sky and waiting for shooting stars with my brother, lying on top of our dad's car years back. we were talking about stuff we usually ponder about whenever we have too much time on our hands. stuff about the universe an' all.

he said, it happens a lot when you're young. when you grow older, the rate at which you encounter thoughts about such things seem to die down.

sigh. it's the age. it's getting to you.

i'm still young, i know that fer sure. but my mind is not as souped up as it used to be. i used to worry about a lot of things when i was a kid. simple things, really. things like how i can get past the next stage of the realtime strategy game i was immersed in, how can i solve the mind numbing puzzle of the adventure game i was playing, how i could get more hours off of playing the computer without being caught by my mom, and what on earth would happen to us people if it has been proven that there is, life on other solar systems. cute things like that.

but it's different nowadays. i don't have time to think about such things anymore. it's just work and family. sure i still have time to try out that spankin' new rpg. i can still find time to write down stuff about a game i've been working on, while drinking. but all the things that made me so unique, mentally, when i was young, is gone.

i'm just another jaded, stressed out, beat up guy with a vitamin B deficiency and a serious lack of social life.

not that i don't party. oh i party hard, an' i drink a lot. it's just different nowadays.

sigh. the sun is so much brighter than it used to be. so bright, it blinds. but it's better than nothing. at least gazing at the clouds still give me enough of a vacation whenever i need one.

and the night sky tells me that everything will be okay. there'll be good times, i guess.

better days, brighter times.

my brother was right, somehow. as you grow older, your imagination subsides.

my brother.

good memories.